Only Fans Almost Made Me Homeless

“I am grateful I didn’t spray the banana with the whipped cream yet. I am newly vegan and my overhead has gone up by 14% due to switching to a plant based whipped topping. I haven’t raised prices yet. I’m not a monster and I am not going to pass this expense off to my customers, yet…”

Almond milk whipped cream in one hand, a banana in my right, and my cellphone attached to a tripod. I was getting ready to work for the day. What they say is true,

“If you do something you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

My phone starts incessantly buzzing. I thought I put my phone on do not disturb mode. Why is it whenever you work from home no one ever calls you when you’re in the middle of an existential crisis and desperately need to talk to someone. It’s always right when you start to get into flow state?

Before I answered the phone I took a moment to practice gratitude.

“I am grateful I didn’t spray the banana with the whipped cream yet. I am newly vegan and my overhead has gone up by 14% due to switching to a plant based whipped topping. I haven’t raised prices yet. I’m not a monster and I am not going to pass this expense off to my customers, yet…”

I answer the phone.

I sensed the dread and desperation in my wife before she even started speaking into the phone.

“We are going to be homeless! I quit my job when your, “Banana Man” Only Fans Page blew up!

I didn’t even put in my two weeks!

What in the *#^& are we going to do!?!?”

I reassured her that I would figure it out. I put down the phone, I put on a smile, and I did what I do best. I performed fantasy fellatio on a banana. Then I ate breakfast. I am after all a professional.

For two days I freaked out. I started desperately building out an email list. I started building out my banana man website. I knew I should have done that six months earlier when my fan base was really blowing up. No pun intended. The money was flowing and I honestly just started to feel invincible.

Sitting at my desk I wept. I started to realize I was going to have to give in somewhere. My insta-cart was full of a case of regular whipped cream. I wasn’t going to go back to steaks, pepperoni, and chicken wings, not yet. I just go through so much whipped cream and I have to support my family.

Right as I was getting ready to click my mouse to place the order.

My phone started buzzing. It was my wife.

“They reversed the ban. I think we’re going to be fine for now.”

I started my website and now I ask all of the “ape boys”, that’s what I call my fans, to sign up for my newsletter. I have to value prop them with recipes for banana bread, banana muffins, banana pancakes, and all things banana.

The Ape Boys and I go through a lot of bananas.

Nonetheless things are going well and in case Only Fans decides to pull the plug again. I’ll be ready.

Never be too complacent. Build out that email list and create as many bridges to your fans as possible.

If you liked this story you will LOVE the video this article inspired me to make.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr9xJ5aPY-Q&t=15s

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After spending my 20's not trying I am spending my 30's trying.

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Jon Kuhn

Jon Kuhn

After spending my 20's not trying I am spending my 30's trying.

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